Dear Leonardo Dicaprio,

I totally understand that you may not remember me and that is fine. Let's just reacquaint ourselves with the basics here. I'm Kobi, you may remember me from being my wallpaper in 08, helping me understand Shakespeare in 2010, my art collage with evolved around your facial features? No? That's okay.

I have one of those catchy, hard to forget faces. Ringing any bells?
No? That's fairly ok. I understand you must come in contact with a lot
of mediocre models etc.

Now Leo (can I call you that? Fuck it, I will call you that), hope life has been treatin' you okay.
I just want to get one thing straight, you are a lucky man that ole' Baz cast you as a star crossed lover when he did. Because, (now I am only being honest here) to me your creased brow makes you look a little like the men that sit in vans parked outside playgrounds and schools. Nothing personal Leo, just calling it how it is.

I should probably thank you for helping me understand Shakespeare. Without your kind of blonde pixie cut, on-land snorkeling skills and gang antics, I would probably not fully understand the underage love story of R & J. I would probably also think that a sword was weapon consisting of a long, straight or slightly curved blade, with one end pointed and the other fixed in a hilt or handle. When silly me, it is just brand of pistol; duh.

Anyway Leo, I realize you have a totally heckers sched, so I won't keep you long. I just wanted give you a good pat on da back man. You seem to be an immortal 25 year old man who is rollin'. Kudos.

Warm Regards always,

firm fan and anti-dolphin rape enthusiast,

Kobi Blake-Craig

XOXO

ps. It would be great to get you on board as the face of my Dolphin Rape Happens campaign; but look I know it isn't your typical filthy rich type of character (so I will lovingly forgive your rejection).