Saturday, 7 April 2012

My Name is Kobi and I'm a Klutz

I have always despised those people who could play sport like it was a sixth sense, especially those who could throw or kick a ball like it was an extension of their body. This is probably because I struggle to merely walk without falling over. Please, I am not requesting your sympathies. I wasn’t bludgeoned over the head with a lead pipe at birth, and I don’t have any form of disability (that I know of), my brain function is relatively normal and I can control most aspects of my personality. My actual problem is plain and simple and slightly more embarrassing; I suffer from being a klutz.

The Heinemann dictionary defines klutz with two options:
  1. A clumsy awkward person.
  2. A stupid or foolish person; blockhead.
Many situations arise from my klutziness. A lack of hand eye coordination often results in shattered crockery on my dish night, and the occasional ball in face or concussion incident. On a regular basis my feet loose their ability to stand. Often this results in a fall or stack which is highly comical for bystanders. Stairs are notorious for being a fatal threat to klutzes like me, so I would like to propose their removal from all schools. They are a real hazard. Unfortunately I have not had injured myself severely enough on stairs to make a substantial case about this to the department of education.

My klutz related injuries occur doing mundane activates such as walking, which naturally lend me as the punch line to unnecessary klutz related jokes. Especially when you break you foot face planting over thin air. Here is my predicament; I can’t sue the pants off someone for my momentary inability to walk. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to get rich through my predicament, although I would never turn down some excess wealth. I would just like to know there is a solution somewhere for the clumsy, awkward blockheaded people of the world, like me. Is there such thing as klutz rehab?

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