Saturday, 15 June 2013

King George Square Mime Hate

There is a man who positions himself just outside King George Square Bus Station and paints himself entirely silver. His tie is permanently erect, so that if you were partially blind or intoxicated he would look windswept. My friend informs me that these people (who act like statues) are called models (Stickler, 2013).

Now it was always my highly unqualified opinion that these models had the express purpose of resembling a statue.   So, you must be able to vaguely understand my confusion when every time I see the windswept ironman of King George Square he is moving as freely as any other individual in the square.

 Please feel free to leap at me with corrections but, models have the express purpose of resembling a statue.  You are suppose share a beautiful moment of bonding as you waft pass them and donate your ten cents to stop them starring at your crotch. If they move they are supposed to be incredibly stiff; as though they are recovering from a lifetime of being a cement monument. 

The windswept man in King George Square has it all wrong. Every time I see him he appears to be doing the robot or scratching himself, even shaking children's hands. I used to give him the benefit of the doubt; perhaps I just caught him at a moment where his nose was particularly itchy or his bladder particularly full, or even his urges to shake hands with little children particularly overwhelming. I mean as Miley once said, Everybody has those days. But alas, I feel as though windswept ironman is having one of those years. 

I think the bottom line is, if I was a (for lack of better term) a professional model (like the lady painted white in the middle of the mall; kudos) I would be really shitted off at someone who feels he has a right to the model gettup but not the etiquette. I mean it is a little like dressing up as a guard outside Buckingham palace, only to salute passers with a strip tease. 

I know it shouldn't bother me how this poor excuse for ironman builds his modelling career, but come on mate; if you want to act like a statue who has exceeded their Valium prescription dress up in a freaking clown costume. 


  1. "like dressing up as a guard outside Buckingham palace, only to salute passers with a strip tease." One of the great comparisons of our time.

    1. well that is just a compliment and a half; gracias anonymous.