I had a revelation while eating a box of sultanas at morning tea the other day. I’m perplexed as to why I haven’t been angered by this previously and I’m still trying to reach a logical explanation as to why sultanas are so special. Among these mixed emotions, I can confirm is that the bright spark who named dried grapes, sultanas clearly didn't consider the feelings of other dried fruit.
Please consider the aisle in the supermarket which stocks sultanas. Among it are arrays of various other dried fruits which are equally as fit for human consumption as the dried grape. Visually the sultana is not exactly the most appetising nor attractive looking dry fruit. In fact, to utilise a simile: sultanas are like dried rat faeces. Small, brown and shriveled. So, to be frank, what makes dried grapes so god damn special?
Sultana is not even a logical name for a dried grape. If they were referred to as drapes, maybe I would accept it more easily. It would certainly make it easier to allow the other dried fruits to feel more accepted as they could adopt similar names. Dried apple- drapple, dried banana dranana or dried pear drear.
In protest I have replaced the word sultana on every piece or packaging in my house with a strike of black permanent marker. I will now refer to sultanas as dried grapes, because that is what they are.