Monday, 4 June 2012

Feeling Good About Next Year...

As you type how to choose into a search engine and many search suggestions are presented. How to choose the sex  of your baby, how to choose a dog or how to choose a mattress are among the many combinations your preferred search engine will offer you. Apart from the clear stupidity a person must poses to formulate such questions for Google, one must wonder- what about the more meaningful questions in life? How about How to choose a life?
What are you going to do next year? It is quite possibly one of the most offensive questions to ask a year twelve student. Children are always told that when they are older they can be what ever they want to be. This certainly isn't true, a 45 year old woman can't be a child star. In primary school it was fun to formulate a future life in which I would drive a people mover to accommodate the needs of my four children while juggling my job as a lawyer vet. Reality sunk in when I discovered facts about about childbirth and inflation rates,  spinsterhood suddenly became much more appealing. Given that I am not particularly gifted at anything, I did some research to formulate some possible plans. 
Plan One. Become a dole bludger.
According to, a dole bludger is someone who receives unemployment benefits from the government but are too lazy to look for work. Basically this is the only occupation I have heard of which actually suits my schedule and plans for post-school. 
Plan Two. Become a manager at fast food restaurant.
I realise I may be a little over ambitious with this plan, given I don't even hold an entry level job with any fast food chain. I should probably work on this first.
Plan Three. Dog Breeder.
Becoming a lonely cat lady is way too mainstream these days, plus I am highly allergic to felines. So, why not breed some rat looking breed of dog?

Plan Four. Marry wealth.
I’m not picky. Although I would rather not marry into fame. This is mainly I don't want New Idea, Woman's Weekly or Woman's Day creating a half-arsed documentary of life. I don’t care if the wealth is not self-earnt, old money will suffice. As long as I can stay at home, lie on the couch, watch Dr. Phil while being waited on by a (for lack of a better term) servant. 
With these plans who needs an op?

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