Inappropriate Winking

During the holidays I was subjected to hell. Obviously I am speaking metaphorically; there was no fire and sadly no horned, dwarfed red man but one winking Zac Efron. Yes, I was forced to endure two High School Musicals. There is no beating around the bush; I'll be honest (it is the best policy). Watching these two productions made me want to fry a goldfish. Perhaps the most irritating thing about the experience was the fact that I appear to have adopted Zac Eforn's wink. If you are unfamiliar with his charismatic winks watch the link to the right...

Zac Efron's winks are rather enchanting. However, I am still trying to come to terms with how I adopted this highly inappropriate habit.  Among many things which make me a flawed human being (see previous posts) I have a severe inability to wink. My wink attempts often are followed by people's concern that I am having a seizure, form of allergic reaction or face spasm. It always takes much reassurance on my behalf to convince people that this is not the case.  At Kmart last week I sent a spontaneous wink in the direction of my brother, and was then asked by the manager if the bright lights of the store were triggering my epilepsy.

On the isolated occasions in which people catch a wink that resembles a wink, it is not taken well. For anyone who knows me, will readily tell you that my speech consists of only poorly strung together sexual innuendos and sarcasm. Winking is not something that sits well within the context of any conversation I have with anyone on any planet.  Please know that if you see me with a strange expression on my face and a creased brow I am not having a face spasm or trying to seduce you, but just simply winking.